Hudson’s Rather Random Homepage

No, I mean it. I should have got out of my truck, walked over to her stupid snooty ass, politely knocked on her window, and if she was dumb enough to open it, fucking slammer her in that chink face of hers.

Yes, I said chink, as in gook, slant, you heard me, it was a racial slur. don’t like it? go someplace where your poor eyes won’t be offended, because believe you me, this bitch DESERVES IT.

Alright, so maybe this is a little too abrupt, let me rewind a little and tell you a story about a day that was actually going absolutely fucking *awesome* up until this moment to where i started having thoughts of assault and battery against a minority retard.

Lets go back a little over a year ago, just for a quick recap. I met ‘that someone’, yes, Miss right, not right now. Just right. She is my *world*, If the world plunged into the dark ages due to some sort of crazy government fallout, I’d take over and make her a goddamn queen. shes a good person, she’s nice, sweet, cute, gentle, and not a mean bone in her hot little body.

She’s also smart, Yes, you heard me, I said smart, as in, she has common sense, she learns things quick and shes swift on the uptake. she even has a sharp wit too. she can look at something, figure it out, and understand the concepts behind it. You know, LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BUT FAIL TO DO SO?

Oh, and before you go off judging me as some racist fuckhead, shes also Hispanic, so go fuck yourself.

Okay, so lets step forward to today. Well, yesterday at the time of me writing this out, which i will explain later, try and keep up.

So lets run down the list of awesome that was yesterday.

1. Morning sex.
2. Gf got her interview with EA/Mythic and we think it went really well, and i’m damn proud of her too.
3. Got to see two of my best buds (then two more later after that!)
4. Got to go see the new data center and get my new badge and such, and learned that our company has *no more* money problems, and pay raises are forthcoming once we get new equipment needs and such out of the way.
5. Drove up to my house /just/ as the UPS guy did with all the stuff I had been going crazy waiting to show up.
6. Found out that a house in my old neighborhood just went on the market! I WAAANT :D

Thats just the highlights, but that day was going so damn well, I was beaming smiles at people I didn’t even know. (Yeah, thats right, ME, the extrovert who wants most people to just go away.)

So we got all this awesomeness done, and decided to head out to one of the local army surplus shops to pick up a few things (cheap zippo flint, a fake nade for my desk, and i needed some tactical pants and an ammo box for airsoft stuff)

So we are driving along, going with the flow of traffic, about two or three blocks away from the shopping center, we are traveling down main street in fairfax VA, just a turn or two shy of fairview drive.

Nothing out of the ordinary going on, no heavy traffic, no crazy rush hour, nothing at all.

When suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, holy fuck, the light turned yellow right as the dumbass infront of us is on the white line, ohnoes!!!1!1

Now, MOST people, with any common sense, know that there is no way in hell you can safely stop as soon as you see the yellow light from that distance, but it would seem, dumb bitches in minivans never figured this part out.

So Here i am, in my truck with my one true love, having an awesome day, and some imported LUNATIC hammers her brakes to the /floor/ a car length and some in front of me, on a downward slope, because shes terrified of going across an empty one side intersection on a light that JUST now turned yellow as she hit the line.

Thats right, some idiotic jap cunt took it upon herself to let her own personal stupidity impact the lives of two innocent people behind her, possibly more.

Let me divert a moment. You require a reality check, I can already hear the ‘Oh get over it, its just another bad driver, bah bah bah, wah wah whine me a river’.

Thank you, people in Florida, whos company shall remain nameless, who let me take all those bitchin’ driving courses usually reserved for cops, stunt drivers and feds. Not only were they fun, but they have YET AGAIN, saved MY life, and the life of others, by letting me understand things about vehicles and the threats they can pose, and what they are capable of in ways most people behind the wheels can’t even imagine.

I’m going to lay this out for you crystal clear. I have a /perfect/ driving record. Flawless. Not one accident, speeding ticket, or anything. I can proficiently drive in almost ANY weather condition. I have managed full tire shreds countlss times on a courses, once at 80 on a highway with a full load of passangers, and nobody even spilled their water. I have mastered J-turns, pitt maneuvers, turnabouts, skids, drifts, tactical driving, reverse driving, and blockade battering, swish and swings, whatever driving slang you got, I can do it. SUV’s, sedans, pickups, jeeps, pick your poison.

Lets boil it down: I fucking drive better than you. Got it?

So now that we have your shit straight, lets get back on the subject.

If I had been anybody else, I’d be in the hospital right now, and my love could have been injured, or killed as well. i’m lucky, shes lucky, that bitch with the brake problem is lucky that when i was in florida, I just happened to end up knowing the right people at the right places and they enabled me to become the best driver i can be.

So lets see, you do the math. two cars, moving at about 45-50 mph (down a hill, remember?), two vehicles are keeping pace with everybody else and with each other (Car B is actually trying to back off). Car A spots the yellow light and drops the hammer on her super fancy new age holy shit stop on a dime brakes and comes to a stop within 20-25 feet thanks to the fact her vehicle is made mostly of plastic and dreams, which as we all know weigh next to nothing. This gives car B how many seconds to react, adding in time for visual threat recognition, situation evaluation, and the speed of a trained humans reaction time. both vehicles were going about the same speed. Vehicle B weighs more. alot more.

Having a little trouble there? The reaction time is less than a second, its around 0.3 of a second in fact. In .3 of a second, I have to make the right choice.

Do i drop the hammer on my brakes and hang on?? Do i yank the E-brake and put my door into her ass-end and try to protect my passenger from direct impact? do i swerve right and into lanes of possible traffic? do i swerve left and hope nobody is shooting into the turn lane next to us trying to avoid us avoiding her? what are the road conditions? is this pavment slick? do i have enough grip? Is there enough clearance for me to swift my way around her? Did she make an emergency stop? is one of her doors going to pop open and is somebody going to dive out in front of me? Is there a car /in front/ of her i can’t see?

These are all the things you have to already know, think about, or just have sitting in your back pocket when you pick one.

One choice wins, the rest probably result in damage or death, or both. Yes, it all really boils down to gut instinct and practice.

I had to do a combination of things to avoid ramming this bitch all the way back to her country of origin. I slammed my brakes as hard as i could without locking them up to drag my speed down in a hurry, then i feathered off and goosed the gas just enough so when i yanked the wheel around, i would drive the tires i needed to stick the most HARD into the pavement. They stick good and hard, but as the weight comes around and the truck starts to respond, they start to let go and skid, so I correct and bring it back straight around so that as we sling around her and we don’t end up slinging right into her driver side door , and end up sliding sideways to a stop, skirting this dumb bitch by INCHES.

Even with all the bleeding of speed, and all the inertal energy being wasted by sliding the vehicle this way and that to shoot around her vans f at ass, guess how far past her vehicle we ended up?

ALL THE WAY. thats right, we ended up /in front/ of her, thats enough kinetic impact potential to really fuck things up in a hurry. This all happened in front of an entire intersection of rather shocked onlookers. We end up looking /straight/ at this cunt. she looks just as shocked as everybody else, and both of us look PISSED.

When she realises just now what the fuck she just did, she pulls the ‘IM INNOCENT AND I DON’T SEE YOU’ game.

Thats right, this fucking chinky whore didn’t even have the guts to look her mistake in the face. She turned her eyes away and tried to pretend it never happened, suddenly her passanger window was too fascinating for her to ignore any longer. I just tossed my hands up in dismay, i think a few other drivers did too. she didn’t even try to look sorry.

AND IT MAKES ME FUCKING FURIOUS INSIDE. After the fact, at the time I was just glad my baby was okay, and nobody else was hurt, but the way that snooty cunt turned her nose up at it and played the blind bystander role from her own car just makes me want to go track her down, grab her by the shoulders, shake her around and scream ‘What on this godforsaken planet made you so fucking stupid?!’

To make things worse, now I can’t sleep. i’m one of those people who processes things in his sleep. most people do this, some more than others. when people sleep, their brains not only go over things they experience in the day so they can better process and train reflexes and reactions, but it often will even advance this step to where it imagines alternatives and other related situations so it can better train itself for any /future/ happenings in which similar situations might arise. (This is how you can train or something and never actually have to do it for real, and when it really happens, you react without even thinking, the right way. your brain practiced when you weren’t looking)

This isn’t new, I’ve always had a pretty vivid minds eye and am often whitness to these re-processing and evaluations of past events and possible events and whatnot in my dreams. Happens all the time. I sometimes find them very helpful in fact, I even solve problems that way. (ever wonder where the term ’sleep on it’ came from?)

But not when I keep re-processing countless variations of some AIRHEAD putting my dearly beloved in harms way, over, and over, and over again, in various ways and outcomes, some of which are not very pleasant.

It’s hell.

So, my parting thought while I watch the dawn on a new, hopefully fully awesome and airhead cunt free day:

1. People who can’t pass a common sense test should not be allowed to drive. Driving classes should be REQUIRED. PERIOD. I don’t care if they are 38 and just came from a country where they owned a car, put the bitch in driving school!
2. I don’t care if its hands-free, you are still talking on a fucking cellphone, and its scientifically known that driving while talking and distracted by a cellphone is JUST as bad if not WORSE than driving DRUNK. STOP FUCKING DOING IT, YOUR PHONE CALLS ARE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH THAT I HAVE TO DODGE YOUR STUPID ASS ON THE MOTHERFUCKING HIGHWAY.
3. I’m going to be installing a short range cellphone jammer in my truck. Yes, its against the law. No, I don’t fucking care. I’m declaring it a safety feature, if you are driving near my vehicle, you don’t need to be gabbing away with your bitchass friends about how small your penis is and how big your BMW is at the country club. DRIVE.
4. I’m done being nice to these people. this isn’t the first time some fucking idiot has put me or my passengers in harms way by simply being STUPID. The next time, i’m not giving them the option of pretending they don’t see me, i’ll make their mistake a memorable one, hopefulty that will help them NOT make it again. I don’t care if i have to pull my pants down and cock-smack their window, i’ll fucking do it. I’m gonna be throwing the middle finger, I’m gonna get a megaphone and scream ‘get the fuck off the phone’ at people. I’m doing it.
5. I’m going to ask the next cop i see if its against the law to talk on the cellphone while driving. if he says yes, i’m going to ask him how many tickets he’s written for that this month. Maybe they will get the hint.
6. I’m getting some car magnets printed up that simply state ‘THIS PERSON CAN’T DRIVE, STAY CLEAR!’ in big red font, and I’m going to start following people to parking lots so i can stick them on when they arn’t looking.
7. I’m going to start turning on all my lamps, offroad beams as well, for those assholes who think they need to drive around everywhere with their high beams on, blinding everybody at night and creating a driving hazard for others. I hope they find it as pleasant as I do, because my offroad lamps are fucking BRIGHT.

I really think if more people did these things, alot of these grabassing fuckwits might actually start getting the goddamn clue. and this isn’t just limited to chinks, gooks, slants, spicks, niggers, wiggers spanyards martins, fish, amoeba, or white trash, or [insert hurtful slander term of your choice here]. This means /every-fucking-body/, yes, even you.

Oh, and if that airhead ever happens to read this. GOOD. Go fuck yourself, and for the love of god, STOP driving like a fucking shitcunt before you kill somebody!